


Gabllusia

by bornforwar_archivist, Tali_Sarah



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-31
Updated: 2006-12-31
Packaged: 2020-03-14 15:01:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18950479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bornforwar_archivist/pseuds/bornforwar_archivist, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tali_Sarah/pseuds/Tali_Sarah
Summary: By TaliThis is what happens when I get bored and decide to answer another one of Maureen's challenges. Write a Xena story with these requirements:1) Must be after 'Motherhood'2) Must have Hercules & Iolaus in it3) Must have a Xena/Ares relationship4) Must have Iolaus tangoing with both Eve and Ares, as well as Gabrielle5) Hercules must have a mop on his head at some point.





	Gabllusia

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Delenn, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Born For War](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Born_For_War), which closed in 2015. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in March 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Born For War collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bornforwar).
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Xena Warrior Princess or Hercules the Legendary Journeys. I don't own the lyrics to any of the songs from Bitter Suite, I did modify them a little for the story. Please don't sue, you are just wasting you time.I have nothing, unless you want a few school books and school uniform.  
> Authors note: This is what happens when I get bored and decide to answer another one of Maureen's challenges. I haven't seen any of season 6 (thank you very much channel 10) so I'm pretty much bullshiting my way through. It only took me two hours to write, so you can pretty much assume it sucks. P.S Any other Australian's wanna help me invade channel 10 and hold their program director hostage until they put on Xena?
> 
> Write a Xena story with these requirements   
> 1) Must be after 'Motherhood'   
> 2) Must have Hercules & Iolaus in it   
> 3) Must have a Xena/Ares relationship   
> 4) Must have Iolaus tangoing with both Eve and Ares, as well as Gabrielle   
> 5) Hercules must have a mop on his head at some point

"I HATE YOU!!!!"

"What did I do now?" Xena asked. Gabrielle has lost it again, she was ready to push Xena and herself off yet another cliff.

The short blonde stopped for a second.

"You took my favorite Eli collector card and gave it to that village kid."

"The packet says suitable for ages 3-12, Gab don't you think 28 is kinda pushing that?"

"VENGEANCE!!!!!"

"Isn't that my line? It was in season 3." Xena asked herself as Gabrielle came charging and knocked them both off of a big cliff.

~@!~

"Glad that your feeling strong,   
thought I might loose you   
Don't use words sing a song,   
This is Gabllusia!!!!!"

"Oh No! Please tell me I'm not in Gabrielle's mind?" Xena screamed.

Callisto was dressed in a bunny suit and was hoping around and occasionally scratching her ear in between singing.

"Xena be warned, Xena beware,   
By closing your eyes you've entered Gabrielle's lair   
Xena be calm open your eyes, Gab tells the truth she doesn't lie

Fate is a wheel it will reveal   
All you've become, all that you feel

Destiny knows what has to be   
You'll pay the price nothing is free

I'll be your guide, take the hand of your muse   
You just might lose your way in the Land of Gabllusia

Gabllusia is music a world built on rhyme   
It's carved out of her mind in the absence of time   
You've tasted how evil and good coexist,   
the bitter and sweet of it"

"All in the lips that you kissed."

"Huh? Who kissed me?" Xena asked the annoying dog who plays the dog in every ep with a dog.

"Ah sorry, still stuck in season 3." The dog shrugged before scratching it's fleas.

"Nutbread and Henbane, staff and sais   
To live of die   
it's a choice you have to make"

"If I'm gonna be stuck her for a while I think I'll take death thanks." Callisto gave Xena a annoyed look and continued singing.

"Can you undo what you create   
step though the wheel   
follow your fate"

"What wheel exactly?" Xena asked looking around.

"That one." Callisto pointed.

"That's the same one they used in Bitter Suite!"

"Budget cutback." Callisto smiled nervously.

"Must we finish this song? It's the same one as in Bitter Suite with a few words changed" Xena asked.

"Well Gabrielle's brain hasn't been very productive lately, we had to reuse material."

"Fair enough. What's next?"

~@!~

"Joxer the mighty, Master of........"

Okay I get the point shut up now!" Gabrielle stood in front of Joxer who was getting quite an eyeful.

"Um Gabby, you're naked."

"Duh! Give me a dress made from grass."

~@!~

"Praise the winds of chance that blew   
Xena's back where friends are true   
We would fight to death for you, Brave Xena"

"Yeah touching. Where's Ares?"

"You are the most divine, delicious warrior"

"I've heard it before, can I have the sexy read dress now?"

"Sure, why not." Ares waved his hand and Xena was in that red dress, budget cutback, remember people.

"Now get back into your normal black leather, that dress thingie looks like something you would put on a baby so their nappy could fit underneath." Ares looked hurt for a moment.

"It was the costume departments idea."

"Why doesn't that surprise me, you saw what they did to me in Chin."

"Shocking!" Ares agreed.

~@!~

"O'er the bridge of tears   
She's crossed and she's paid a fearful cost   
All her long hair is lost, Gabrielle   
Now the past has set her free   
And she's traveled home to be   
With her old friends you and me, Gabrielle"

"You don't like my hair?" Gabrielle was near tears.

~@!

"So why exactly are we in Gabllusia? What did you do now? Another Gab Drag maybe?" Ares asked.

"No, I gave her Eli collector card no:132 to a poor village kid."

"Harsh Xena, that is one of the hardest ones to find."

"How do you know?"

"I have it."

"Why?"

"It's the "Look on Blondies face when Yours truly kills Light boy" card."

"Oh."

"Xena?"

"Yeah?"

"Why is Iolaus tangoing with Eve?"

"What?" Xena turned her head to see Iolaus and her daughter dancing, well Iolaus was dancing and Eve looked terrified.

"Mother.....help me!" Xena shook her head, dam girl was old enough to look after herself. But something maternal inside her broke.

"Iolaus get your hands off of my daughter or I will put the pinch on you." The short sidekick backed off.

"Sorry Xena." He grabbed Ares by the hand and started to tango with him.

"Get off me!" Ares yelled.

"Dance with me!" Iolaus yelled back.

"Xena....... Help me?"

"Iolaus get off Ares!"

"Then who can I dance with?"

"Gabrielle." Xena offered.

"Good enough."

Hercules came through a big door and stumbled a little.

"Those villagers know how to par-ty!" He then put a mop on his head.

"Hit the sacrificial wine a little?" Ares asked.

"Yep. You like my hat?"

"It's the inbreeding." Ares added.

"You can talk mister, my mother is also my Aunt."

"Hey, Jerkules. At least my Mother isn't my Sister. Zeus should really keep track of who he gets in bed with."

"That's not true! My Mother is not my sister, is she?"

"Guess you will never know." Ares smiled evilly.

~@!~

"You are so right Lila. It's Xena's fault I cut my hair." Gabrielle was in tears.

"Xena was no friend, she worked to twist your mind   
Though you tried to change her deadly ways   
Take this scythe - it's just a case of killing to be kind"

~@!~

Gabrielle came running through the door Hercules had minutes earlier ready to kill Xena. She tripped and fell onto Iolaus. He grabbed her and started to tango with her.

~@!~ After Gabrielle got away from Iolaus she turned to Xena.

"You lied. How could you? You said my hair looked good."

"Yes I lied   
Thought I could protect you from the truth   
I also gave that kid card 133"

"Xena, how could you?"

"I was wrong   
I wore a mask to cover my deceit   
But underneath it all   
I couldn't keep away my doubt   
And now I'm left without a mask   
and one question left to ask......"

"And what would that be?"

"Ah........Lets forget this shall we?"

"No! Finish the song."

"Dam you Gabrielle. That's it! ARES!"

"Yeah."

"Get us out of here."

"I'll try." She grabbed him and kissed him.

"Try harder!"

"Yes Maam."

~@!~

"You have got to be kidding me? This is terrible. You can't expect us to actually do this?" Renee O'Connor turned bright red.

Lucy Lawless and Kevin Smith were pale, very pale. If they did this it was the end of their acting carriers. Ted Raimi looked between Renee and Rob Tapert. Hudson Leick sat next to Lucy.

"I have to go fishing. Work it out with the writers." With that he left.

"This is why season six is out last." Lucy whispered.

 

The End


End file.
